Every time I feel something bad I keep it in because I feel selfish for feeling that way because I SHOULD be feeling grateful. And I can't tell if I'm actually happy or just bottling up my emotions and pushing them away. I hate the economy and I wanna keep my house. I hate how dependent the world is on fucking money. I hate not being able to live my life in ways that I'd like to because of not having the money to do it. I hate holding myself back. I hate fear. I hate people who make other people feel the way I feel right now. I hate that people can actually have that control. I hate feeling like I shouldn't have said something or should have said something. I hate questioning myself and everything I do. I hate feeling like this when most of the time I feel ok then feeling like this and not knowing if I ever really felt ok. And the weirdest part is, I don't really hate at all. All these things just fucking suck.
But what sucks the VERY most is that there's always something in the way. If something feels right, there will be something in the way to take it away from you.
