Matts right

fuck this shit, it's just an excuse to say things you're too scared to say to peoples faces. i'm done!

Fucked up

Yea. I sorta do shit wrong... all the time. If only people realized that by now. My mind is never made, I'm always feeling a little less of what I desire and I don't listen. At all.

I still can't really come to terms with the idea that I'm worth enough to be cared for. I don't think this is the "snap out of it, be happy" sort of shit. Cause it's so much more than that and I think it's clinical yet I also can not come to terms with the idea that I need serious help.
Whatever.

I'm vurrrrrrrrr happy

and that's all that matters!!!!!!

Jan 17 2009

worst day
ever


and now, I have no idea what to do

Everyone knows

I'm a fucking fake.
And the thing is, I'd love to say that what people say doesn't affect me. But ha, it does. I'm a big giant mess. I can't get that whole fuck up concept out of my mind.
It could be more simple than this right? I could suppress all my feelings and go on feeling worthless and crazy and sick to my stomach and dizzy all the time. Just not talk about it. It's pretty sad that some of the people closest to me in my life are pushing me to that. I'm so reserved now for a reason. Cause it's true right? I shouldn't talk about what's going on with me. Because I have no reason to feel the way I do. So I shouldn't. So I'll pretend I feel completely okay. It's not like I haven't been fucking trying. And it's not that simple. People should stop lying to themselves and acting like everythings okay when it's not.

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be we're all okay

Not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless, won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith for light does the darkness most fear

I am so inconsistent

Not with people, not with my relationships, not with anything in my life really. Just with myself and my feelings. Cause thing is, I'm happy now. Right now, I am completely content with myself and everything. But who knows how long that'll last? And then when I drop again, who knows how long that'll last? Only time will tell I guess.

The truth is

I'm scared
I'm scared and I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm trapped beneath those feelings and too lethargic to pick myself up. It'll happen though. I can tell.

My mind is just rolling

I'm excited to dream tonight :) I hope I get a chance to fly again so I can take real advantage of it.

Life's good despite things
And there's always a reason to smile even if it's just at how crazy and silly things are, even the bad things. ya feel me?

New Years Resolutions

Yeah, what a joke.

So, in like May I forgot the password to my laptop

It's been a longggggggggg time....
So I decided to try again today. And
it was
my password
to EVERYTHING.
I'm retarded.


But last night was good. :) Happy 09 suckas