Thinking

It's strange how drinking can completely change your outlook on things. Like, personally, I tend to lose all self control. Or maybe it's just all in my head. Cause I set rules for myself and wanna stick to them so bad, cause to be honest I kinda need to if I want any sense of self esteem, but I go against them every time. And every time I end up alone in it all cause no one really gets it. Thing is, this probably sounds like a whole bunch of self pity but I feel totally fine. I just wish I cared enough about myself to not fuck things up all the time.
Another thing is I don't really get how people can be so mean. Like, so heartless and inconsiderate of other peoples feelings. I don't get how you could lie to someone knowing it will lead to them being really hurt. I guess people just aren't all I thought they were because I used to be completely convinced that everyone has a good heart and if shown a little love it will conquer anything. Like, someone wouldn't do something harmful to someone else because of it. But if that were the case I don't think we'd have so many people getting raped or abused or murdered in our world. Or maybe those people are just insane although I'm not sure how much I believe that. There's a fine line between genius and insanity and too many of us are tiptoeing across it.
Then again, we're all a little insane. And maybe love can conquer anything but I have no place to say so, I don't even know if I know what love is anymore.
Aint it funny how this is the most and possibly least stable I've felt in a long time?